Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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