Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
