a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you didnt know i had herpes?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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