I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
