Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
