Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
