It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
