he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I've blown a few things in my day
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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