his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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