All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
