I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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