You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
