All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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