I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
