What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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