We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
