Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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