Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
