i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
