Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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