last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
