you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the liver wants what the liver wants
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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