dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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