I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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