Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
