A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
