ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
