I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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