I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
