Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
