my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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