Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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