walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
