I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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