Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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