There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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