So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
