He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
