You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
