I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
