Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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