last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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