went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
