I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
