I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
