1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
