Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
