an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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