My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
