how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
