so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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