I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
