So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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